Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Do we set ourselves up to fail?

Do you set yourself up to win or set yourself up to fail? Analyzing these 10 common pitfalls can help out you on the road to success.


An unrealistic goal is a goal that you (a) cannot see yourself achieving, (b) really don't expect to happen, or (c) that doesn't immediately move you into action.

A realistic goal is not a goal that you HAVE to immediately know how you are going to achieve. In fact, if you already know how to achieve your goal, it is probably not big enough. If you already know how to achieve your goals, chances are that are going to continue doing what you have always done - with the same results.

We must have a compelling emotional reason to achieve our goals. Our goals must move us into immediate action. Unrealistic goals are nothing more than wishes that don't inspire commitment. Commitment requires belief followed by directed and focused actions.


Sommetimes we write checks (commitments) that we cannot cash. When we try and do too much, we find it more and more challenging to stay in the present moment. We tend to rush from one activity to another, to the detriment of all.

Wallace D. Wattles in the Science of Getting Rich shares this :

"Our success does not depend on how many actions we take in a day, but rather in the efficiency of each single action that we take. Every action in itself is either efficient or inefficient. A prime cause of failure is doing too many things in an ineffcicent manner and not doing enough things efficiently."

Bottom line : To make each action a success, we must put all of our focus on that action. We must marry our thoughts to our actions. We cannot be in one place doing one thing with our thoughts on another.


This is probably the most common mistake. There is such a thing as overdoing it. After all, as a wise old woman once told me, "What good is a journey without sightseeing?" Listen to your body, and try these 4 things:
1. Get 6-8 hours of sleep a night.
2. Eat healthy meals.
3. Exercise 30-40 minutes 3 times a week (walking counts, too).
4. Take time to smell the flowers along the way!!!

Remember, pace wins the race. Not giving yourself time for yourself limits your ability to stay relaxed so you don't overreact. It also hinders your ability to clear your head and be creative when challenges arise.


An obsession with instant gratification can be fatal to our recovery. We need to have a healthy balance with doing things for the short term, intermediate term, and the long term. Wanting results NOW can often lead to poor decision making, and will often cause you to be less prepared, less patient, and less persistent.

We need to redefine what it means to be patient.

Norman Vincent Peale defines patience as "an energized belief that things will eventually go your way." Lance Armstrong called it "the defining characteristic between a boy and a man."

Wanting results too quickly will cause you to change courses too frequently without giving the seeds you have planted room to grow and prosper.


There is no such thing as a magic pill other than a compelling goal combined with a specific plan of action, and the commitment and discipline to follow through on that plan.

the word is F.O.C.U.S.


We must learn the power of focus. What are you focused on?


This is one of the major causes of stress in your life.

Thinking about what you're NOT doing :

1. Causes you to set unrealistic goals.
2. Causes you to be inefficient as you try to do too much.
3. Causes you to work too hard.
4. Causes you to want results quickly.
5. Causes you to change course too often.
6. Causes you to focus on your fears, rather than on the goal itself.

You must learn to keep your attention on the task at hand. In order to be at our best we need to keep our minds clear and focused on our immediate goal and the steps that we are taking to achieve it, making each action more efficient and effective.


Space represents opportunity and gives us room to operate. Being clean, clear, and complete is energy giving. This applies to all areas of our lives including :

- our mind
- our body
- our emotions
- our finances
- our living and working environments
- our relationships

Clutter is a manifestation of the broken agreements with self that drain our energy. It is a sign that we are holding on to the past out of fears that we are not going to be good enough for our futures.

Once again, when we are :
1.Setting unrealistic goals
2.Trying to do too much
3.Working too hard
4.Wanting results too quickly
5.changing course too often
6.thinking too much about what we're NOT doing

We will have too much clutter in our minds and in our lives.


A MAJOR stumbling block in our recovery is is wanting to be perfect or believing that you SHOULD be doing better than you are. Being perfect is one of the lowest standards that you can hold for yourself. You can never be "perfect". In fact, you already are. It is your flaws that give you your individuality. Perfectionists avoid anything that might lead to failure. The need to be perfect will adversely affect your willingness and ability to take risks that will allow you to grow. Having to be perfect gives you plenty of opportunity to get down on yourself. It leaves you with a feeling of not being good enough. Instead, shoot for your personal best.


By focusing on what we fear rather than taking action and moving towards our fear, we often become paralyzed and move into a state of creative avoidance.

What is fear? Fear is an illusion, a story that we tell ourselves to keep us safely in our comfort zone. In reality, fear is a gift, if only we will open it. Our fears point us in the exact direction of our dreams. In fact, the only way to get to our goals is thru our fears.

You cannot escape fear. Fear is part of being alive. Don't be tempted not to feel your fear. You can only learn to hold it differently, in a place of power not pain. Like Susan Jeffers says " Feel the fear and do it anyway." What are your options? Learn to be excited by your fears and they will take you on some wonderful adventures.

When we focus on our fear, what we are REALLY doing is :


"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darknes, that frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you NOT to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightening about shrinkin so that other people won't feeel insecure around you. We were born to manifest the glory of God within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our light shine, we unconsciously give other people persmission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fears, our presence automatically liberates others. -- Marianne Williamson

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. — Mark Twain

Courage, her mother had once told her, was not simply the fact that you weren’t scared of anything… it was being scared & doing whatever it was anyway. Courage was dealing with your fears & not letting them rule you. — Missy Good

So, How many of these 10 items sound familiar to you?

This article was reprinted from "Coach's Corner" Sep, 2001 Newsletter of HobbsHerder - a Real estate company, and written by Steve Shull,

For more information on this topic please visit us at The Sober Village

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